Therapy Rocks! | Against Nostalgia
The Narrative Architecture of Sentimentality
Welcome to Therapy Sucks Rocks a bi-monthly round-up of things I have found interesting in therapy world and beyond with some opinions attached. I will be doing this along with my regular posts on various topics. Lets get going..
Against Nostalgia
The other day I was watching an interview with Fran Lebowitz. She was asked about nostalgia, and without missing a beat, she called it one of the most destructive forces in the world.
I’ve been sitting with that, nostalgia, sentimentality, and their peculiar gravitational pull in therapy. Most people who come into my office arrive with stories, These stories consist of two major themes, what has already happened or what hasn’t happened yet. And even those who’ve never been to therapy seem to know the script: sit down, tell the story of the past.
These stories often hold pain, yes. But they’re just as often lined with a golden glow, a kind of soft focus around the edges. Nostalgia. Sentimentality. At first, they appear as comfort: a return to a familiar room, a voice we used to know, a time before the fracture. But I’ve come to see how they can operate like amber, preserving a version of ourselves that no longer breathes.
Mikhail Bakhtin’s idea of the chronotope, the way narratives arrange time and space feels essential here. Because nostalgia isn’t just a feeling; it’s a structure. A narrative architecture. When someone shares a sentimental memory, they are inviting us into a chronotope where time folds in on itself and space becomes mythic. A childhood kitchen becomes a cathedral. A lost relationship becomes a fable. The past becomes more than memory, it becomes a place one can live inside.
But these spaces can become sticky. They offer shelter but not movement. In narrative therapy, we’re often listening for how stories shape action. And nostalgic chronotopes tend to slow time, to suspend the possibility of change. They whisper: “Wasn’t it better then?” And in that whisper, the present loses its color. We then find ourselves caught in a loop.
Therapy is a moment at the threshold. And at the threshold, where memory brushes up against becoming, we need stories that can breathe. Stories with windows. Stories that let in the weather of now.
Because while it may be tempting to return to the warmth of yesterday’s room, the door we really need to find is the one that opens from here.
If you’re interested in learning more about Chronotopes and how to work with them in therapy I will be doing a series over at the Liminal Lab by California Family Institute’s Patreon page. Support our important work while learning new stuff! There will be video sessions, consults, and of course lots of questions to play with. For example:
Discovering Your Current Chronotope Questions:
Does time feel like it’s moving too fast, too slow, or just right?
Does this moment feel like a bridge, a threshold, a waiting room, or something else?
Join us!
Now the latest:
A Letter From Palestinian Activist Mahmoud Khalil
Sorry to lean into fear, but every one should be very afraid of what is happening in our country right now. We all can be disappeared at any moment now.
How chatbots could spark the next big mental health crisis
The allure of avoiding rejection is a powerful thing. Both young people and adults are entering into emotional and sexual relationships with chatbots and new research from OpenAI shows that heavy chatbot usage is correlated with loneliness and reduced socialization.
Here is a therapy business building idea. You host and facilitate in-person events where folks get to try on all sorts of hard and soft conversations. While meeting new people! In real life! Save us please!
How Patriarchy Still Hurts Men—and Why It Matters Now More Than Ever
Watch my new video that’s being shadow banned by Meta and IG. In this updated version of one of my most-watched videos, I revisit how patriarchy harms men and why that message is more urgent than ever in 2025.
Meet the College Kids Making ‘Positive Masculinity’ TikToks to Counter the Manosphere
Some of the kids are alright..
What I’m Reading
Since there is so much death..
“Concerning the Future of Souls balances the extraordinary and the humble, the bizarre and the beatific, as Azrael—transporter of souls and the most troubled and thoughtful of the angels—confronts the holy impossibility of his task, his uneasy relationship with Death, and his friendship with the Devil.”
What I’m listeneing to..
It’s a vibe..
That’s it. Peace.
This is so good. THANK YOU!